Whoa, it's been 3 months since I've kept silent here in PeaceAndGoodwill! I was really caught up with work and many other issues in life. TODAY, is the day that I'm gonna SPILL. I will share my heart as much as I can. Mainly due to the many emotions that I had to go through since the moment i woke up till the end of the day... love, frustration, confusion, burden, passion, hurt, doubt, unexpected, happy, joy... I can hardly contain...

 

Well, 20th September is my birthday. Since weeks ago, deep in my heart I felt so loved by my friends and family. I really want to thank them for every effort they made to invest and be a part of my life. Today, I am proud to celebrate my own life, a life that is so blessed by God and by people around me. Thank you...

 

Recently many things have changed. Life style, working environment, church etc etc etc. I felt so burdened bout the church. Personally I've never thought so much, experienced so much bout God and His word in my whole entire life until recently. Things may seem so sucky, out of control, ridiculous, but hey, God sees them as dust and we can't imagine what is His big picture, His perfect plan for us. This revelation on God's love is so strong. He is so real! And I'm praying that everyone will have their own encounter with God. Experience Him. He will take your breath away!

 

The best part of the day is the dramatic and unexpected, TOUCH original production of "DE PROPOSAL"!! Yes, one of my close friend has just proposed to another close friend of mine in the witness of many other close friends. Joash and May have been a blessing to all of us. Going through many moments with them, growing up together, I am very happy for them. It's my best birthday present ever. May God bless them with many richest and life will be so fulfilling and excited!

 

Fiuh... still got many untold emotions. I would like to share more but I think I should stop here now.. I will just try to digest and hopefully will have a good night sleep...

 

Few months ago i posted an entry writting about the things that i need to do or rather want to do...

At that moment, i was so weary about certain things, restless about some other things, bored about everything... Now, looking back and reflecting, i can see that God is good.   

 

This was what i wrote...

For those who do not know, i enjoy listening to music, songs... bare in mind, only good music and good songs... ok, only good music and good songs that i think are good. (very very subjective, fiuh!) Well, very long time ago when i was probably 14, a friend gave me a vision that I'm actually carrying a guitar, playing and singing songs of my own and also singing songs that are made to be my own... my style, my key etc... Btw, i've kind of given up on writing songs. They are too lousy... erm, i guess the most successful song that i have ever writen is 'Jerald, Jerald, touch my *******'... or anybody's name which has 2 syllabus... yea, it was mine, not Jezreel's and what a retarded song! Bare in mind, i only compose the tune, not the lyrics...

 

Now. thinking back on the vision, it was indeed a very COOL thing to do... being able to sing, enjoy the music, performing... I would love to have that ability. I would love to have that gift. As i have mentioned earlier on in one of my blog, i admire girls who can play guitar. Well, my latest obsession is...

 

On 22nd April Jacklyn wrote...

 

I'm gonna post a very no life entry....

 

Has anyone ever win spider solitaire?? Ya, the lifeless computer game where you play when you are very bored, have no life, brain dead, don't know what to write for assignment, before going to sleep etc... it has 3 difficulty levels: Easy: one suit, Medium: two suits and Difficult: four suits.

 

I have been playing this game for some time. Mind you, Level 3 which is the most difficult level which has 4 suits is IMPOSSIBLE to win! I will salute anyone who managed to solve even one of it! Medium level is not too bad, still solvable. But reading from the statistics, I still have much more loses than wins.

 

So if anyone thinks games like this are for good for nothing people, you are right to a certain extend. But seriously, you need a lot of patience and some intelligence in order to win the game and getting high score. So, if you have nothing better to do, maybe you want to challenge yourself to win a few games... then you can celebrate your victory with some balloons and fireworks...

 

  

          Before                                   After

 

On 27 April...

 

Erm... i guess i have to salute myself cos i have just won 1 spider solitaire difficult level!!! woohoo~ after going through 97 loses, finally i got 1 win, which makes my statistics showing 1% winning rate... haha... so actually impossible is nothing! SS

 

this afternoon i was driving to college, suddenly stopped by a police at road block...

 

mr policeman: Ah moi, you melebihi had laju (showing his small note book) 

me: ok (took out my wallet and IC)... saya ada peperiksaan pada 2.30pm (telling him the reason i was driving fast and hinting him to do whatever is needed quicker)

mr policeman: so nak saman atau minta tolong?

me: (saman i understand... minta tolong? could it be something like appeal?) erm... minta tolong

mr policeman: lima puluh ringgit la

me: Berapa?

mr policeman: lima puluh ringgit 

me: (checked my wallet) erm... bagi saman sajalah, saya tak ada duit

mr policeman: tak ada duit? berapa kamu ada?

me: sepuluh sahaja (i was having 25 bucks in my wallet... it's less than 50 anyway)

mr policeman: sepuluh sahaja? (looked out for other cars checking their number plates... stopped another car)

mr policeman: (came back to me) Ah moi, jalanlah

 

So, was it a lucky encounter? or the police force needs to do something? okay, i'll just follow the speed limit next time...

 

 

 

 

There are few things that i wanna do very badly...

 

1. Turn back time to primary school

2. Be a millionaire by the time i wake up tomorrow, hopefully morning

3. Go around the world for vacation in 8 months

4. Go for a shopping spree

5. Graduate university with a first class honours

 

okok.. now serious one, really serious one...

 

6. Go to Rawang for real. Please Mrs S....., please help me, i want to graduate... and another Mrs S..., please don't read this

7. Go on a eating spree, especially sushi... for free!

8. Get good grades for my final final exams

9. Play the piano LIKE a pro... as for guitar, leave it to my brother, leave the ugly fingers to him

10. Get myself and my family to practice healthy lifestyle... including eating habit and physical activity... gosh, this is the hardest. somebody support me

 

 

 

  

To all the brothers of Subang Jaya Youth Cell

 

  

By God's appointment we came together,

To care for and to nurture one another;

A bond of love that cannot be broken,

A trust well kept and never be forsaken.

 

Going through the hardships and pain,

It is for our faith that must be trained;

Sharing all our joy and loads of laughter,

As if they will never end ever after.

 

With great perseverance and endurance,

In unity our strength is in abundance;

Together we can climb walls and mountains,

Ability to bless others sprinkles like fountains.

 

So to all of you my beloved brothers,

Take heat always to what God matters;

Now with all my heart I hope and pray,

That you will have your best brothers' day.

 

 

 

                                                                                                                      Jacklyn.

22.03.2008.

I was thinking i wanna abandone this blog forever. Not because my life is eventless, it fact it has been good, with heartfelt purposes and dreams, but somehow I just don't feel like updating it or even visiting it myself. Anyway, i decided to continue posting once in a while. This place started with the idea of collecting my work, mainly writings, songs, poems... So i shall continue doing this. However myspace really has many limitations and restrictions. Maybe I should consider shifting... blogspot? good idea? 

Jingle bombs jingle bombs jingle bombs me off~~

Christmas Day is over. I said Christmas Day is over because Christmas should be celebrated everyday. So yea, 25/12 is gone!

 

It has been a boring Christmas. Somehow I didn’t find it exciting. Christmas events ended on Sunday and there is no caroling so days just went on like any ordinary day. Anyway, Mikayla is beautiful, just like her mother. Shopping was fun too, I wander who is going to pay for the bills, hopefully Santa will.

 

I’ve been in a bad mood. There is something that I can’t express. Don’t know how to express and no word can express. I just want to be alone, but at the same time wanted to be with lots of people. I wander how it will be to stand right in the middle of a busy road. No, not to kill myself but just to feel the feeling of business. Anybody want to take a long night walk? Just kidding, I don’t want to go for a walk with ah meow or ah gau…

 

So what is it that is bothering me now? I guess the fact that I’m not bothering anything is bothering me. I felt defeated. Defeated by my own emotions. That is why I am babbling right here aimlessly. By the way, I’m a good actress. Some people will know why.

 

Now, I can’t wait to go back to college. I miss all my friends very much. I know my thesis is going down to the drain and I’m not reviving it but I have lots of faith. I know it will be fine when time comes… I think how I can help myself is to wake up. Where are my dreams? Where are my passions? I have, I really do. Wait for a while and I will be back! Back on mission possible! Please all you people out there please pray for me. I need them now. Ok thank you.

 

 

Why is it wise to wait upon God? There are four primary reasons:
* God gives us very clear direction only when we wait to receive it. One of the enemy's traps is to convince us to do what the rest of the world is doing, but it is easier to know God's will when we are walking in the Spirit.

* God uses waiting time to get us in step with Him because our decisions affect other people. When we get ahead of Him, it can have a decisive impact on those around us.

*God uses waiting time to prepare us for the answer. Often, we want blessing’s for which God knows we are not ready.

* God uses waiting time to build our faith and to turn our attention to certain aspects of our lives, like sin that He wants us to cease.

So, how long waiting time do we need? only God knows... So continue waiting! hehe...

Earlier on I was sharing about the difficulties I am facing for my project. Now, things seem falling into their places and becoming better. I've found a new community for my research. Thanks to the Gurkha family that I know. In Dec i will be going to Rawang to do survey on the Gurkha household there. Hopefully all the necessary documents and approvals can be done as soon as possible. So now at least I do not need to worry if it's holiday or not...

 

Last two weeks was a roller coaster to me. I had to prepare for my research proposal presentation and for da last one week, i barely had any sleep cause they look more like a nap. The presentation was ok. It went on smoothly except for a couple of questions that left me speechless and looked stupid. Anyway, it's over. Nothing can be done to change it. It was a good experience indeed.

 

Coming December will be great. Besides getting started with my project, I am gonna be involved in Christmas programs. Practices have started and preparations are getting on. I can't wait to join many many other people in the events. Well, all i want is to spend my time wisely, giving my best, putting alot of effort, and seeing good results.

 

Cell group, cell group... i must talk about cell group. Since Jason has left, Ben and I are really putting alot of effort to continue building the cell. I find myself putting more interest, preparing better 'sermons', spending more time with my fellow all guys cell! (haha, except for my sis). God please send more girls to the cell before the guys go nuts or I go crazy... joking joking... Well, the cell is going through a season of change where we want only the best!

 

Hmm... this entry is rather messy. A reflection of unorganized mind. Who cares?? no one does...

 

Goodbye!

Goodbye to my semester, assignments, lab reports, exams and lecturers. It has been a fine semester. Everything went on well. Many people may not think so cause there are incidents where we had a tough time, stay awake late at night, make major decisions and all. But as for me, through many things that are happening, I’ve learnt that life is not always nice, sweet and go our ways. There will be time when we have hardship and struggles. So I am learning to take everything positively, knowing that there is rainbow after the rain. Just last weekend I watched a Lindsay Lohan movie, Just My Luck. Chris Pine was a total looser. He was a super duper ‘unlucky’ guy. However, against all odds, he took everything cool and calm and through it he became skillful and remained happy. I guess that is a better way to live. Not to be so bothered by circumstances, but remain hopeful, optimist and prayerful. Life will be much better.

 

Hello!   

Hello to my holidays. As this was a short semester, everything ended last week. From now till end of the year, my focus is on my final year project and thesis writing. I know nuts about it so I will have to read up a lot of journals. My title is ‘Nutritional status and food insecurity among preschool/ schoolchildren’. It wasn’t my choice but again, I’m taking it positively. I will need to do an assessment and survey and now I have to select a suitable school. My major problem is timeline. School holiday starts in mid November and therefore school kids will not go to school. So, how am I supposed to do my surveys when respondents are not around? If I wait till next year January, then I will have lots of free time till next year and less time to analyze datas and write my thesis. Isn’t it interesting? I really do not know how should I manage it. As for now, my holidays are uncertain. Because of the time conflict, I can’t have other plans for holiday. I wanted to work though… So, I will keep thinking… the story goes on next time…

Meanwhile, I really enjoyed my holiday so far. Hanging out with friends, shopping, lepaking at malls, chilling out at home, watching movies, getting inspired by McFly, and writing songs again. Wish me luck! Ohya, that day I saw a Jack Russell in Pets Wonderland, Mid Valley. Super cute! But the first one I saw in Taipan in a pet shop more than two years ago was still the most handsome. Hope that it is well taken care of…

Many times we are often carried away by our own thoughts, things and situations around us. We can be so stucked up by our own mind and careless about others. This reminds me why some people are ignorant of things and as if they are only living for themselves. As for now, I think that I am one of those some people. Things laid in front of me seem so huge and they are drowning me under the ground. Well, they are all challenges that everyone has to face. So what is that that is so bothersome?

 

Life. I am really bothered by my own life. It seems that it is hard to live a life. There is too many things to care about, too much expectations, too many presentations, too many performances. You do not know what will happen if you make this choice, what will happen if you did not make that other choice. Life is full of uncertainties.

 

Jesus says in Matthew 11, ²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

 

Jesus says living for him is easy and his burden is light. Jesus cannot be lying, so what he said must be true. I guess the reason I am feeling burdened with life is because I am not living a life with Jesus and not fully depending on Him. Or else it would be easy. What do I do with all the worries and anxieties? 1 Peter 5: 7 - Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 

I believe that Jesus’ love never fails. He hears our prayers, He hears our cries. He is always mindful of us who diligently seek Him. He has the best plan ever for our lives. So, Matthew 6:33 - But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Can’t believe that another semester has ended, can’t believe that another round of final exam is coming, can’t believe I sat for quiz today, can’t believe I have no work to rush tomorrow, can’t believe it’s almost end of the year, can’t believe I’m a final year student, can’t believe I’ll be graduating next year...

Wow, everything is so blur now. Time flies. I am not quite sure what I have done yesterday, last week and weeks before. As if my life is bringing me through instead of me living my life. Anyway, that is life!

I have not been writing for some time, very busy. Short semester is like a bullet train. (Pardon me, I have not tried the Japanese’s yet) Time just get a hook on me and everyday is a race, cannot afford to slow down or get a pit stop. My record was sleeping just less than 2 hours before getting up for class again. Anyway, I am getting used to it already. Working at night is really nice. Calm, silent, no disturbance… since I have the whole night, I can just work on my own pace. Yea, I know it is bad for health, too bad!

I will be having 2 months holiday. YES! However, I am not too happy about it. Going to have a hard time… I am supposed to concentrate on my final year project. But it involves school children and since its school holiday, I may most likely be starting my project next year. I hope that I have enough time. So, what should I do then? Part time job? Sleep and get fat? Build puzzle tower? Learn another new skill? Ohya, I wanted to talk more about my thesis, but next time.

Many things are happening. Things are begining to change... Question: am I moving along?

Change 1: New semester

Short semester comes really quick. It’s week 2 into 2 new subjects already. Learning metabolism is really a pain. My brain just has got not enough hippocampus to convert short term memory to long term memory. Having the strictest (but I believe she is good) lecturer makes it worst. Food engineering is ok. However, I just feel physically weak looking at those presumed heavy and bulky machines and food processing equipments. Well, extra efforts will be make to overcome the bad memory and conquer the heavy stuff!

Change 2: Jason

My cousin Jason has left for London to study this afternoon. He has played a very important part in many people’s lives, including mine. Few of us are rather close to each other as we live in the same area, go to the same church, join the same cell group, attend same family functions, have reunion dinner together… Now that he is away, all these things will be less noisy, more solemn. What I worry most is the subang youth cell. As I shared earlier, he was the pace maker. Now Ben and I have to really take up the responsibility as leaders and encourage the cell to move even higher, further. I believe it’s a time where more people should rise up, believe in themselves that they too can make a change.  

Change 3: Communication

Recently I managed to make a few very good conversations with friends that I’ve kinda lost touch or have not talked for a long time (maybe have not ‘talk’ before). Few reasons why people are not open to others in terms of conversation are because of fear and putting not enough effort. Here comes back to the level of communication (Table 1.1). People are just afraid to move into conversations that will prick their hearts or touch their emotions. (Level 4) Others are just not bothered about other people. All of these result in hardening of hearts and suppressing emotions to some subconscious memory that are wished not to be detected. It sounds like the person is suffering from constipation. Well, it was really good being able to communicate with others and having honest conversations without being afraid to expose our weaknesses. Everyone should try to start a quality conversation regardless you are the one suffering constipation or avoiding hassles in being ‘involved’ in other people’s businesses. No one wants to or should live in a world of his/her own.

That’s for now and I’m hoping for more changes that will make me stronger and wiser.