I have been trying to understand how is it like to write something that is unrelated to oneself. This is a trial piece that I’ve came out with. Hope that I managed to learn the ‘art’. (But I think still have resemblance, maybe I should change the character to something else) However, it helps me to expend my imagination… Should I put in a tune?

Stories untold, words not expressed

A thousand thoughts that lay unrest

Deep sleep accompanied by a broken dream

She wonders where her soul and spirit have been

Searching for peace, a star that shines

Running through the forest, finding no sign

Far away in her silent cry

Waving along singing bye and bye

A song that is written in the night

Where there is only a small dim light

Is a song that travels a thousand miles

To bring to you this distanced smile

Though voices not heard, motions unseen

To no one should she vent her spleen

Believing in love, hope and peace

A perfect picture that will never cease

A song that is sang from a place

Where sun and rain will not erase

Is a song that brings a distanced smile

She knows this will all worthwhile

Ok, it doesn’t really make any sense. 

To be honest, I don’t like to blog. Blogging is not my hobby. Even though I keep a blog, it doesn’t make me a blogger.  Just like you take your meals but that doesn’t mean you like eating. That is why after one year and 8 months, there are merely 30 entries. This entry makes the 31^st…. So, why do I blog?

Last time during school days, we used to have lots of karangan, 作文 and essays to write. I never like those homework. Those are the homework that I will put right at the bottom of my pile of other homework and I will only do it at the very last minute. However, just right at the point when inspiration comes, you will just want to pen down your brilliant ideas, your mind keeps going, your hand can’t stop writing, and you become so excited of what you have got to tell. My blog serves that purpose for me, as an output of what I think, feel and can’t wait to tell. Since these will not be assessed, I can just crap whatever I want, for my own reading pleasure, realize how bad my language is and also to shock sendiri!

I said earlier that this is not my hobby simply because hobby is something you do when you have free time. Many bloggers out there can just write about anything everyday just for the sake of blogging and fulfilling other people’s reading pleasure. However, this ‘blogging’ interest of mine is very weird. Ideas usually come when I am at the busiest point of my day. It’s either when I have assignment due tomorrow, in a rush to go somewhere or have duties to fulfill...  Any other days when i'm bored and idle, nothing will come out. Therefore, to make sure i have fun and enjoy 'blogging', I will keep PeaceAndGoodwill as it is, a reflection of a confused mind, just enjoying wasting my own time and any people who are tricked to drop by… Anyway, thanks to all of you who are imaginary and invincible.

By the way, blog, bloggers, blogging are all underlined red in Microsoft Word and not found in Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English 1989… Gosh, it’s time to upgrade. 

Yesterday as I was arranging and looking through my certificates, memories just kept flashing across my mind, right from kindergarden to university. Then I flipped through this contact booklet which has got all the names and addresses of graduates we got from graduation day in Form5, I was trying so hard to match the faces to the names in my mind. Out of a sudden, I realized one thing; there is no record of one point of my live – 3 months of A-level in TARC!! Nothing surprising of that, because I didn’t even completed one semester…

This brought me to another session of mind battle- what if?? What if I had a little more courage to stay back in TARC back then? What if I did not choose Form6? Gosh, my whole life will be changed, different! If I choose to continue studying A-level, I will probably ending up in UTAR and definitely have no chance to meet people like Ah San, Shu Fen and Mei Tin. If I continued A-level, most probably I won’t be doing food science and nutrition now in UCSI, and won’t be meeting Sook Wah and Alan! Maybe I’ll bump into Alan one day in TARC and complain that the path is narrow instead of saying hi.

This ‘what if’ question will have no answer because no one can know what exactly our future will be. You will not be sure where will you be working at, whom will you be living with, who your colleagues will be etc. Life is full of choices. Major ones will determine our ‘fate’ for the rest of our lives. Some decisions will really affect our character and personalities, our point of views on life and death and our values. We may be proud of our decisions or regretful. I take all these as experiences, lessons and consequences of our choices. One friend once told me that we shouldn’t worry if we make bad or wrong choices. Every decision will eventually lead us to somewhere. What’s important is whether our journey is favored by God and be quick to divert if we are not.

Well, back to the story. Later in the night I was chatting with a friend I got to know from my short period in TARC. Come to think about it, it is at least something I gain from that period of life that is perceived to be wasted… It’s not too bad after all… Well, no matter how our lives are, how many ‘what if’ you may ask, how much regrets you may have, just be sure that the future is still a long journey and will be beautiful if you are walking with God. Just live the best you can that even if you die tomorrow, you will have a smile on your face.  

And now, I declare holiday! Erm, self declare… It’s study break actually… Well, this semester was quick, real quick. It was just like yesterday that I started the semester. Looking back, I can’t believe that I’ve actually done so much and it will not be possible for me to have to do them again. Now, I have more or less 2 weeks to prepare for my finals. For the first time since many many years (since primary I think), I have not had any long term study plan. Long term here is 2 weeks. (Isn’t I really lazy? 2 weeks? Long term? Heh…) Nevertheless, this time I’ve make one!! It was actually quite well planned as I make sure that I have time to cover everything at least once. (Very good leh?) However, a plan will remain just a plan if there is no action taken. My focus for these 2 weeks is to follow the plan diligently and to not waste time doing nothing.  With the plan, I can keep track on my progress and know how much I’ve actually left behind and delayed if I did not study for that day. It is to create some guilt and awareness. Well, I’m already taking 3^rd year’s subject and I must be really serious about getting good grades.  This is just a little of what I can do for myself. I will be determined! God bless me.