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November 25 I wish I am not hereIt's 3.40am and I'm very hungry…
Since don't know when, my body system and eating habit have changed. Previously I can have unlimited tea at night and yet sleep like a pig. Somehow recently, especially NOW, I can't do it anymore. Come to think about it, it has been some time since I drank teh tarik at night… So now, it's not that I have work to rush, but it's the after effect of tea and I could not sleep. I'm tired, very tired, but still couldn't sleep. What about eating habit? It was my principle to never eat anything after dinner time at night, except when hanging out with other people. Whenever I feel hungry, it would be the indication to go to bed. Many people find it hard to do but that wasn’t me… However, now that I spend most of my nights doing work, I would snack and just chill. I know girls will always have the ‘FEAR’ factor, I do too. So, I'll feel guilty once in a while, but just once in a while… Still can't sleep, what should I do? A while ago I was listening to songs. Songs that I love very much. It's funny that sometimes you find yourself loving one thing so dearly at one time. After a while, you don't bother it too much and may even forget about it. But after some period of time, somehow the thing just strikes you again and you ‘rekindle’ your ‘love’. Haha… Yea, I'm talking about the songs. I really loved those songs very much. I remember I used to play them everyday back then in secondary school. I was a freak! Now I am still a freak! Next time I will talk about my freaking freaky moments and you will freak out knowing what a freaky person I am… There are few other things that I want to talk about. Should I do it now? Nah, it's really late now. Tomorrow will have a long and exciting day… I want to sleep, I want to sleep, I want to sleep… One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four sheep, five sheep, six sheep… zzzzzzzzz November 20 Continue continuesSo why am i writing again in just less than 24hours? It is because both my sis and my com have reformatted and both have no microsoft office now, which means I can't proceed to my project preparation where i need to prepare some documents and questionnaire. Which also means I have no choice but make myself free!
Now that I have freetime I begin to read up many things and ponder upon many things. Firstly is the state of mind. Sometimes we are so indulged in certain thoughts and circumstances and hence caused us to be irrational or make wrong judgement. Let me sketch an example, say you very dislike a person. Whatever the person says or does, will be ear pricking or eye soring to you simply because you do not accept or approve that person. Hence you jump to conclusion that this person has nothing better to do or good for nothing blablabla... Well, regardless we are an optimist or pessimist, we will tend to think or imagine in certain ways. I would not say that it's wrong but sometimes we should allow ourselves to open our own eyes and mind to see the whole picture. What we think may not be correct and what we see may not be the whole picture. The case of the small girl who hanged herself because she did not get a UPSR result that she wanted is one of the least consequence that we want to see...
This lead me to be reminded of what the church and youth have been talking about, that our God is big and he is faithful yesterday, today and forever. In every situations, just be still and wait upon God. Quoting from Aunty Alicia, one of the church elders from fccintercessors:
Why is it wise to wait upon God? There are four primary reasons: * God uses waiting time to get us in step with Him because our decisions affect other people. When we get ahead of Him, it can have a decisive impact on those around us. *God uses waiting time to prepare us for the answer. Often, we want blessing’s for which God knows we are not ready. * God uses waiting time to build our faith and to turn our attention to certain aspects of our lives, like sin that He wants us to cease. So, how long waiting time do we need? only God knows... So continue waiting! hehe... November 19 Journey continuesEarlier on I was sharing about the difficulties I am facing for my project. Now, things seem falling into their places and becoming better. I've found a new community for my research. Thanks to the Gurkha family that I know. In Dec i will be going to Rawang to do survey on the Gurkha household there. Hopefully all the necessary documents and approvals can be done as soon as possible. So now at least I do not need to worry if it's holiday or not...
Last two weeks was a roller coaster to me. I had to prepare for my research proposal presentation and for da last one week, i barely had any sleep cause they look more like a nap. The presentation was ok. It went on smoothly except for a couple of questions that left me speechless and looked stupid. Anyway, it's over. Nothing can be done to change it. It was a good experience indeed.
Coming December will be great. Besides getting started with my project, I am gonna be involved in Christmas programs. Practices have started and preparations are getting on. I can't wait to join many many other people in the events. Well, all i want is to spend my time wisely, giving my best, putting alot of effort, and seeing good results.
Cell group, cell group... i must talk about cell group. Since Jason has left, Ben and I are really putting alot of effort to continue building the cell. I find myself putting more interest, preparing better 'sermons', spending more time with my fellow all guys cell! (haha, except for my sis). God please send more girls to the cell before the guys go nuts or I go crazy... joking joking... Well, the cell is going through a season of change where we want only the best!
Hmm... this entry is rather messy. A reflection of unorganized mind. Who cares?? no one does...
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